Women Are From Venus

by Bernard McCormick Tuesday, July 09, 2013 No Comment(s)

Like many great discoveries, it came almost by accident. Since the dawn of time, scientists have been trying to figure out the difference between men and women. And right here at an alumni luncheon we were discussing a celebrity, one well-known in the broadcast news business, who happens to be the daughter of one of the couples at the luncheon.

Unfortunately, this discussion did not take place until after everybody had split. We asked if the other half had met the parents of the famous daughter.“Were they there? I wanted to meet them and tell them how good their daughter is.”

“I thought you met ‘em. I would have introduced you. It was hard enough figuring out who the guys were, and I’ve seen most of them over the years. People change after 60 years. At one time you were standing next to her. You were talking to the guy you mixed up with his brother. I thought you met them. You probably did and didn’t even know it.”

And this is exactly where the great scientific breakthrough came: “What was she wearing?” the other half asked.

“What was she wearing? How the hell do I know? She was wearing clothes, I guess. I probably would have noticed otherwise.”

"I mean what color dress? Or was she wearing a flowered pant suit? Was she the one in that little vest?”

"How do I know? Who would even notice, with 50 people milling around, all trying to figure out who the hell was who. I don’t even know what you were wearing, and you’re still wearing it.”

There was another woman privy to this exchange. And she said: “Women notice that kind of thing.”

"What kind of thing?”

“What people are wearing. Especially other women.”

Eureka, or other such expressions. For the first time in history it was revealed that the big difference between men and women is that women notice what other women wear, and men can’t tell the difference from one old lady to the next, unless one of them is in a thong.

“What color was her hair? Do you remember how she was wearing it?”

Was or is,” we said. “About 50 years ago it might have been sandy, streaked with silver. Now it’s the same color as all the others. Blonde or charcoal or Columbia blue – anything but what is really is. And I’m pretty sure she wore her hair on her head.”

“That’s more than half the men there could say.”

“Don’t get personal. I guess you want to know what color eyes. They all have the same color – pale moon embroidered with rubies.”

“Interesting. When we go to cocktail parties, you seem to notice what those sexy bartenders are wearing.”

“You mean not wearing.”

And so it went on, declining in historic value, all the way down the Shenandoah Valley. But that did not change the thrill of discovery of the difference between men and women. There may be other differences, yet uncovered by the hand of man. We will let you know if they surface.

Add new comment