Si, See the CIA at Sea
The thaw in relations between the United States and Cuba should have at least one predictable result: an increase in American tourists, the first 10,000 of whom will be CIA agents. Now the Cubans may be many things, but they are not stupid. We can be assured they will be anxious to welcome our spies with good expense accounts.
We can soon expect this scene at Cuban ports of entry.
Cuban official: “Buenas. Welcome to Cuba. Here for a holiday?”
Visitor: “Nada, CIA.”
Official: “Wonderful. Welcome Comrade Spook. Please register at the line over there – the one marked CIA.”
The visitor proceeds to the appropriate line, which moves along smartly until he is greeted by Cuba’s CIA host official.
Official: “Welcome to Cuba, CIA host reception. My name is Jose Gimenez. That’s pronounced Ho-say. As in Ho Say can you see by the dawn’s early light. Now what are you interested in seeing – historic missile sites, the KBG Bath and Tennis Club, political prisoner detention facilities, the Fidel classic car museum?”
Visitor: A little bit of everything, thank you. This is my first visit.”
Official: “Si. And what is your name?”
Visitor: “Maurice Bishop.”
Official: “The Maurice Bishop? – The guy who covered up the Kennedy Assassination?”
Visitor: “No, he’s dead. We all use the name Maurice Bishop. It goes back to the game of chess, you know. Just a little play on words to break up the monotony.”
Official: “Si. But I see no Maurice Bishop name on our stolen confidential list of CIA operatives.”
Visitor: “You never will. You won’t find Lee Harvey Oswald on any records, either.”
Official: “Si. See, the past is behind us. Let us concentrate on improving relations between our two great countries. To further that end, we have a special CIA visitor goody bag. It contains a signed photograph of Meyer Lansky – a reminder of the good old days – a medallion of appreciation from the Cuban Siete Commandment Society for letting our thieves rip off Medicare and anything else they can in your country, and a few tokens to use in your travels.
Visitor: “Gracias. What are these tokens for?”
Official: “This one is for Happy Hour at the Castro Brothers Brothel. You get two for one. This one gets you a free photograph with a 1952 Studebaker at the Fidel Classic Car Museum. And this one gets you a discount on a mule ride up San Juan Hill.”
Visitor: "And what about this one with the little bulls eye on it?”
Official: “That's for admission to a firing squad.”
Visitor: “But who’s?”
Official: “That’s up to you, senor.”
Visitor: “Si, I see.”